SUBJECT A
AK
@akchattings ↗Co-host, co-conspirator, alleged participant in approximately half of all documented wallahis.
UNOFFICIAL INTERNET ARCHIVE // CASE FILE 001
“MAD TING, SAD TING.”
TWO MEN.
ONE TIKTOK.
TOO MANY WALLAHIS.
Documenting the Nori & Ak cinematic universe: the shipping allegations, the end-times nicknames, and the completely reasonable mission to collect the entire Beta Squad on TikTok Live.
CURRENT THREAT LEVELWALLAHI
KNOWN DUO MEMBERS2
BETA SQUAD ACQUIRED2 / 6
WALLAHIS RECORDED14,892
01 // SUBJECT IDENTIFICATION
THE TWO MEN IN QUESTION
SUBJECT N
NORI
@noricmdy ↗Co-host, co-conspirator, professionally unable to escape the allegations section of his own comment feed.
02 // CANON EVENTS
THE LORE, SO FAR
The duo forms
Nori & Ak begin appearing together and the internet immediately decides friendship is far too simple an explanation.
The shipping allegations
Viewers begin shipping them. Screenshots are filed. Allegations remain completely unverified and extremely persistent.
Ya'juj & Ma'juj arc
The comment section discovers Islamic eschatology and decides two names are all the evidence it needs for a new duo nickname.
The Wallahi economy
“Wallahi” stops being a word and becomes a unit of measurement, a punctuation mark and possibly a renewable energy source.
Max Khadar acquired
Max Khadar joins a TikTok Live. A precedent is set. The mission expands.
Niko Omilana acquired
Niko later joins. At this point, coincidence is rejected and the Beta Squad collection quest becomes official lore.
03 // ACTIVE OPERATION
THE BETA SQUAD HUNT
Mission objective: get every member of Beta Squad — and eventually their friends — into a Nori & Ak TikTok Live.
MAX KHADARACQUIRED ✓
NIKO OMILANAACQUIRED ✓
SHARKYWANTED
KING KENNYWANTED
CHUNKZWANTED
AJ SHABEELWANTED
NO DAYS OFF. NO BETA SQUAD LEFT BEHIND.
04 // EVIDENCE LOCKER
THE INTERNET HAS RECEIPTS
EXHIBIT A
The lipsing allegations
Source: the court of public opinion. Confidence level: absolutely none.
EXHIBIT B
The end-times live
At some point the guest list became Ya'juj, Dajjal, Dhul-Qarnayn and Shaytan. Normal livestream behaviour.
OFFICIAL ARCHIVE POSITION
“We cannot confirm any allegations. We can, however, confirm that the comments are finished.”